Life As We Know It

Reality smacked me right in the face tonight! Smacked me hard...really, really hard!

Baby girl was fighting sleep...or sleep was fighting her (she seems to be like her momma in the sense that falling asleep doesn't come easy) and she was fussing and whining and climbing over top of me and flipping and flipping and I was exhausted and kept dozing off for a minute here and there only to wake up to her unsettled and crying and I was getting frustrated. This has become a pattern over the last week or two and I'm not fond of it. After about an hour of it I'd had enough...I snapped, I didn't really yell but I spoke at her in my not so nice mom voice that I always regret after all is said and done. She burried her head in my arms and tried to compose herself then said, "sorry mom, sorry for crying." I told her it was okay, that sometimes we all get upset and cry but asked her why she was crying? What was it that she really wanted? After a few answers, like " I want my boo boo owl" and "I want to play" the real truth came out..."I want my daddy home." 

Tears welled up in my eyes as I rocked her and hugged her and told her he'd be home soon. Because to her, only now would be soon enough...and we were only on day three of ten...which is like an eternity for a two year old mind and heart. But the tears in my eyes and aching in my heart weren't just for the seven more days she had to go without daddy being home. They were also for the thirty we have yet to face after that and then the approximately two hundred and seventy-five days he'll be away after that. Efff! The reality of it all is going to be heart-wrenching!

After doing a twelve month deployment, nine months didn't seem so bad...until I thought about the little heart that would ache and the little mind that wouldn't quite understand. I know not every night will be hard, but it won't necessarily be easy either. We will get through it. And I, of course, will do anything known to man to help that little girl pass the days with the least amount of heart ache possible And I will, for the most part of those gazillion days, wear a sincere smile on my face and be positive about it all because it's just life as we know it ...and being negative won't change it. Reality is, it sucks! But might as well get to focusing on making the best of it! And reading up on the best ways to deal with a two year olds's aching heart.

Yeah, that slap hurt! 

My face is still hurting....

A little more natural...

What is it I am doing today? Other than the normal everyday things...I am adding to the mix a new step in making this house and the products we use a little more natural. I already make some of my own cleaning products and will continue to improve those and eliminate more and more of the store bought chemicals as time goes on. 

And now we're giving homemade, all natural (the the best of my knowledge), body wash and body lotion a try! I am more so wanting a more natural product for big sister and baby sister but of course wanted to give it a try myself before trying it on Ella and then eventually baby sister when she arrives. But if I like it, I will stick to it myself, and if I think it's good for the little ones but still am not a fan of it for myself then I'll keep looking and eventually join them in natural products...at least that's the plan.

 I found the recipe for the body wash here (except that I did more like 1/3 water, 1/3 castile soap, and 1/4 coconut oil) and the body lotion here. I just took a shower and used the body wash for both my body and my hair (adding no conditioner afterwards). While in the shower I felt pretty oily and was quite skeptical, especially about my hair. But after getting out and drying off...and as I air dried some too...the oiliness has seemed to disappear. On my skin at least, my hair is still air drying and I'll update on that later. I have not used any lotion as I want to see what it does to my skin on its own...but will be sure to try my new lotion in a couple of days, or maybe even on part of my skin to try it out and compare it with the "no lotion skin" results. But must wait for that concoction to cool and solidify a bit before I can give it a try. 

Although in a way it would make more sense to start going natural with the things we use most (like say, food) I have found that for me it is easiest and less overwhelming to start small with the things that seem easiest to change...like the cleaning products and then move to things that are used a little more often like bath and body products...then eventually I hope to get to more of the food (the hardest, in my opinion). But that's not to say that I don't already try little by little to make more healthy and more natural food choices for us. I have been trying for quite some time to steer clear from as many boxed and canned products as I can without going insane...less processed foods but knowing when I need that easy meal with the added canned cream of chicken soup (like the meal we're having tonight). 

**UPDATE**  Have already noticed a rookie mistake that is likely affecting my products (i.e. my lotion is not solidifying) I did not use VIRGIN coconut oil and based on my quick search a few minutes ago after checking my lotion...it does make a difference. Not to mention if you are going with natural and not processed...virgin is your better bet. Hmm, learn something new everyday. Will have to try new batches with virgin coconut oil!

The Ocean

Baby girl is like her momma...she loves the ocean! Has been talking about going back to the ocean for months and months (since taking a trip with mam&pap and family last September). When she found out she was going to be a big sister she immediately started saying she wanted baby to go to the ocean with her. Yesterday, we bought the first thing to prep baby sister for that trip! We were excited! 

A month in review

Crazy that a month has already passed since my last post...I was doing so well...yet it's so easy to get caught up in the day to day and not remember to update you all. And while I appreciate your patience...no one called me out on my lack of posts, which can sometimes be a helpful reminder to just take a minute and reflect and write ;)

Let's see- in the month that I wasn't tending to the blog I was:

-traveling to Califirnia to celebrate and remember 104, almost 105, years of life lived by Matthew's grandma

-hosting my parents for a week, watching then play with their amazing granddaughter ;) And while they helped with some things around the house and kept us some company while Matthew was in the field

-continuing to practice with Ella on understanding that daddy has to be away at work sometimes for more than just the day

-still working on growing a baby and finding out the baby is a she

-realizing I definitely wishes it was still a surprise like it was with Ella!

- cleaning, reorganizing, and redecorating the house

-enjoying some snow days with the daddy-o home 

-and last (and certainly least) been cuddling a sick little girl the past two days. Not sure if it's random winter allergies or a common cold but she's been a little snotty, stuffy, with lots of sneezing, some water and puffy eyes, and a general feeling of yuckiness (more so at night). We haven't had a full nights sleep in a couple nights and spend a little more time sleeping in, once we finally get back to sleep and napping at random hours throughout the day/evening.

So there you have it- a quick month in review to get us up to date and (hopefully) back in the game of regular posts.

Keep on keepin on

I looked around my house last night in disgust. Saying that it is a complete disaster is an understatement...and many parts of it are actually dirty too. There is a difference between messy and dirty and I'm embarrassed to say, my house is both right now.

As I looked at piles of crap EVERYWHERE and all the crumbs that littered the kitchen floor, I wondered what it was that was keeping me from reaching at least a happy medium between the current (and unfortunately often) state of my house and the perfection that it used to be...that I so badly want back?! I'm okay with a mess of toys strung about the house. As long as it gets picked up at the end if the day (most days). But I AM NOT okay with how it is now!

And although I have yet to come up with a solution and get this house clean up and in order...I have come to realize at least part of the problem. I'm guessing it has something to do with my daily migranes. These things are debilitating and keep me from really accomplishing anything other than meeting basic needs (food, water, sometimes bathing and clothing) until well after noon. Sometimes able to function during Ella's nap time and sometimes not. Today feels a lot like a "not" day as she lays curled up on my lap sleeping, as I type this.  My head is POUNDING! Yet, I truly NEED to accomplish a few housekeeping tasks. Toys on living room floor can wait, crusty dishes in the sink...not so much. Shower needing a scrub can wait (for a little bit longer) but preparing lunch for a little girl and a pregnant momma...not so much. 

You all know how it is. Sometimes you just have to keep on keepin on. So I'm not really writing this post to moan and complain bc it's just a fact if life but I guess I'm sort of writing this post in hopes that I can play a mind over matter game here and push through this migrane!  Today my goal is to accomplish what I MUST and to eventually, hopefully much sooner rather than later, not feel like I'm drowning in a house of crap and crud on a daily basis. ICK!

Big Sister is Excited!!

So we are already in the works of creating the new nursery because a) Ella got her big girl bed a few weeks ago, so naturally the crib was moved over to the soon-to-be nursery b) my parents bought us a glider for the new baby (even before I found out I was pregnant) and since I am cleaning out the storage area in the basement that had to go and c) because of Matthew's busy training schedule he will be unable to help a portion of each month until baby arrives with anything needing his help at all being finished by sometime in April. With that being said, tonight we were working on the glider. Matthew had carried it up earlier today and when he got home from hunting asked Ella if she would like to help him put it together. This sent Ella in to some crazy, excited, big sister mode. She was WIRED for about 30 minutes, exclaiming:

"Baby home soon!"  "Baby Ella's house!"  "Ocean, baby ocean with meeee!"  "Help build baby new chair!"

and a gazillion other extremely loud statements said with tons of excitement! She was running around like a crazy kid carrying pieces to the chair. And while we had to take a break to look up the company info and request missing hardware she wasted no time and got straight to work. She got out her tools and started placing pieces on top of others and hammering away. She was quite proud of her progress and told us to, "Come see. Ella build it!" And when I asked her if we had an excited big sister on our hands she yelled, "YEAHHHHHH!"

Needless to say, Ella was a bit excited tonight. And my post does her amount of excitement no justice. I only wish I had it all on video! For us to always look back on and to share it with all of you. I did get a small portion of her "building" at the end of it all but she was almost over it at this point and was not impressed with my idea to record her.

Change. Progress. Growth.

On New Year's Day, I wasted no time in my quest to accomplish my many new goals for decluttering and reorganizing around the house! I started on the storage area downstairs and considering I'm pregnant and had a toddler requesting my attention every other minute I think I accomplished quite a bit!! 

However, in being so focused on the task at hand and sort of forgetting that I am pregnant I think I may have over worked my already working body. So as much as I want to get back down there and finish up the storage area so that I can check that off my list...I think it would be wise to take a break from physical work today and maybe work on some mental decluttering and reorganizing :)

I think maybe I'll make some lists, work on menus/menu ideas, maybe try to create another cleaning calendar and see if I can stick with it, etc., etc. And have a little more fun with my girl today!! She's requested to pudding paint and to dance...I think we can make that happen!! 

But before I even work on that...I'm going to continue to lay here as my little girl snuggles up in my arms and sleeps in (for the first time in foreverrrr) and enjoy the first feelings of movement from baby brother or sister!!! <3

Ahh the beauty of change and growth!! 

A Daddy-Daughter Band

Pregnancy insomnia has been getting the best of me lately. I have been averaging only 4-6 hours of sleep each night for weeks. I'm exhausted. But my husband is awesome and on his days off throughout the holidays he has gotten up in the morning to play with Ella when I haven't been quite ready to start my day. 

This morning is one of those mornings. I lay here and beg of my body/brain to give in a get some more rest...knowing I would feel much better. And surely it would benefit everyone! But I can't get back to sleep and this morning I don't care because from the bed I am listening to my husband and daughter play in their own band. Ella is the ring leader of such activities...using her instruments she got from Aunt Heady and Jessa as birthday and Christmas presents. This morning it sounds like she has the tambourine. I hear Matthew playing on her whistle and she is singing/humming along to a beautiful daddy-daughter tune! And I can only imagine she has also orchestrated them dancing along to the music, in a two year old fashion, as well.

The sound (and what I can picture in my head) has me grinning from ear to ear. And my heart is dancing along! This is what happy feels like. This is the kind of joy having a child can bring! Wow! How blessed!?! <3

Out with the old, In with the new

The new year is upon us and I'm feeling the need for change! Lots of change! 

I'm feeling the need to declutter and get rid of things we no longer use (or at least put them in attic storage until we leave this house). I'm feeling the need to rearrange, to redecorate, and to re-evaluate how we do pretty much anything and everything! 

I like the feeling of a fresh start...a new mind set. And I'm thinking a renewed and rejuvenated environment will help me all the more! ;) Typically, each time we move I kind of get that. And I like it. And in the almost 5 years Matthew and I have been married, we've never lived anywhere for a whole year...until now. Currently we are at the 15 month mark; and while I'm no where near ready to move, (I'm digging the stability with having a toddler and a baby on the way) I am itching to switch things up a bit. 

My mental to-do list for the coming days/months looks a little something like this...

▪️Clean out storage area in basement. Toss or donate what we haven't used in years. Move items we will not use in this house (things like curtains that don't fit windows in this house but might fit in the next, etc) but are not getting rid of, to the attic. Reorganize what we will keep there and make room for new items to be put there (like toys Ella has outgrown, baby won't use for a while, but will use while we still love here).

▪️Sort through toys and decide what to keep out for baby, what to put in storage, what to put in the new playroom, and what to leave out for Ella and find a place for the bajillion new things she got for her birthday and Christmas, thanks to all our generous family and friends!! :)

▪️Reorganize Ella's closet/room and add some final decorating touches (finally)!

▪️Start on the nursery...since it's already mid-transition with Ella getting a new bed and so many new toys...just so that it's not a disaster zone.

▪️Create the downstairs playroom... with the goal of making it a fun place for kids but still a nice looking place for the guest suite we've got going on in the basement :) Sort of a very pretty and very organized chaos type of room. Or something like that. I have a mental image of what I want...yet I know, in reality, will be nothing like that (mostly bc when houses are temporary it's not always worth the $$ and you just make do).

▪️Master bedroom makeover. Essentially just new bedding and  a few new accents.

▪️Add to and change up some decor throughout the house. 

▪️Continue with my quest to have a place for everything and to keep every part of the house reasonably organized at all times. If there isn't a place/use for it...it needs to go!! 

▪️Develop more of a routine and better daily habits.

▪️Spend more uninterrupted, quality time playing with our little girl. I want to set aside time each day to be fully engaged in what it is we are doing! No running to switch over laundry mid playdough creation but for a certain amount if time each day out everything on hold and just play! Get out and about more and try not to get too caught up in the daily grind. Take walks, go on trips to local places, work on kid craft projects, come up with and take part in silly activities like balloon rockets and dress up and glow baths.

▪️Get out as a family more often (beyond trips to Home Depot and the Mexican restaurant. Go to more parks/playgrounds, chuck e cheese, the zoo, take walks to the mail box, etc.

▪️Spend more one-on-one time with my husband (we've averaged a date per year since having Ella...we might need to step up our game). 

▪️Prepare healthier, more well-balanced meals for my family. 

▪️Focus more on finances...work harder at paying off debt and saving for the future.

▪️Make time for more "me time", especially for crafts! 

▪️Continuously strive to be a better me! For my own good and for the good of others!

So the list could go on forever...but i think that's a good start. I'm not expecting all these things to change over night and I'm not expecting perfection. I just want overall improvement, taking it all one step at a time. 

Sleep Time Independence?!

Baby girl is testing out the whole independence thing, specifically in regards to sleeping! She's a little weary but it seems she sort of wants it...I think I might feel a little bit the same.

Today she got to nap in her big girl bed for the first time and I'm pretty sure she loved it, as she hung out in her bed for a while after waking up. Then tonight as we all laid down to go to sleep she insisted on sleeping in her own bed. I tried to tell her we should just do naps in it for a while since she still needs momma to fall asleep (although it has been 4 nights of no nursing now)! But she was adamant, so her and I headed over to her bedroom and snuggled up in her "own bed", as she calls it. Every now and then she would tell me she wanted to "sleep own bed self" but then not 5 seconds later would ask for momma to snuggle her. She was fighting sleep hard and was tossing and turning for quite some time, then she fussed at me "excuse me mom, scuse me mom!" So I moved out of her way so that no part of us was touching...she snuggled up on her pillow and fell asleep all by her lonesome.

 I felt pretty proud of her! I think I might have felt a little sad, too. Can this be for real?! The little girl who couldn't do a nap time or bed time without nursing just four short days ago, pretty much just fell asleep on her own. I know that if it's really time for her to become more independent that it will continue to happen and in the end I'll realize it was a good change for us all. But right now I'm just sort of shocked, a little unprepared,  yet curious as to how this might all play out in the near future. :)

Bittersweet Moments

Everyone has their own opinion on the subject (and some have shared theirs) but I never let that sway me! I nursed Ella until 25 months old! If you do the math...she's not actually 25 months old for another day or two. In other words we are still not officially weaned. However, we have started the process and are well on our way! 

My hopes were that weaning would be self-led and just as easy as everything else has been so far, but Ella loves her some Momma milk and was/is not really interested in giving up that magic! It was the cure all, her safe place, her everything - when she needed something a little more.

For the last six months or more we typically "only" nursed to sleep (nap time and bed time), in the morning when I needed to buy myself some more shut eye, at night if she had trouble sleeping (which wasn't very often until her recent sleeping struggles), and then any time she was hurt, super upset, or just needed a boost (sometimes decided by her, sometimes decided by momma if she just couldn't seem to get it together...usually for my own sanity's sake). So still sort of a lot...yet most times were for five minutes or less and mostly just used for comfort and not so much for active nursing. But this is coming from a little girl who has always nursed on demand and demanded it a lot so it didn't seem like so much to me :) I still very much enjoyed providing a very natural source of comfort and nutrition (be it a little or a lot) for my sweet baby girl! 

That was until a few days ago, when I decided (I'm guessing mostly due to changes taking place from being 15-16 weeks pregnant) that it was time...whether she was ready or not. With a lot of talking, extra snuggles and patience, and a little taste or two of vinegar we have convinced her that we will no longer be nursing to sleep but will go to sleep with the help of snuggles and lots back rubs. So far we are three successful nights in, one no-nurse nap in public (resulting from pure exhaustion...still have yet to try a no-nurse nap at home), which brings us to somewhere around the 36 hour mark of being completely nurse free. My body is kind of wondering what's up?!

 Ella is not loving it but it's going MUCH better than I thought it would, after trying for only a few moments and then giving up, four nights ago! We are actually "finally" doing this...(ahh bittersweet moments)...we have come so far in a few short days but still have a ways to go and a lot to adjust to. But she's really the best!! I couldn't have asked for an easier child to welcome me into motherhood!! I feel so lucky to get to be her momma!!

By the time you wake up...

Last night, my husband was being silly and jokingly said to me, "By the time you wake up I will have already peed in a cup (as urinalyses are just a regular part of his job) and walked seven miles...no big deal." So I came back with, "yeah that's okay because by the time you wake up, I will have had two snacks, peed three times, and [been up with Ella multiple times]." Guess I also should have added one blog post to the list as well! :)

I loved this little conversation for many reasons:

- It shows that although we both have one main goal in mind (providing for our little, yet growing family) that we play very different roles. And each contribute in our own, very important way.

- It is a nice reminder that although the other's role might sometimes seem more glamorous that there are some not so glamourous parts, too. Because let's face it, I'm sure, as Ella and I are cuddled up in bed with hours left to sleep and Matthew is heading out in the freezing cold weather to do PT, he has envied the fact that I get to lay there with our sweet daughter and not have to get up and go to work. And don't let the fact that I truly do have the most wonderful job I could ever ask for (being a stay-at-home mom and raising a precious little human and growing another) that I don't sometimes wish I could be putting my hard-earned degree to use and feel more like I am contributing financially to the family (because I've struggled with that in the past) and that I sometimes don't envy the fact that although it may be "just co-workers" he gets to converse with other adults throughout the day and can swing into a store, alone, without lugging a child inside, when he's on his way home if needed. But in the end, that's just fine and dandy...and I'm completely okay with it. Because I love, love, love what I do and wouldn't have it any other way! And for him...he says he likes the way we have decided to do things, too! Because after all it was a discussion we had and a decision we made, long before we started having kid(s)! 

- It shows we both appreciate humor and adding little laughs to each other's lives. And to me, that's important. Because if you can't laugh and have fun with the day to day...well then that wouldn't be any fun at all! We like to laugh often and love much ;)

- It's a reminder that things won't always be perfect (okay, will never be actually perfect in an absolute philosophical sense) and that that's still okay. Because it's life...and that's just how life goes. But it's all what you make of it and your perspective on it...right? And although I did quite enjoy Ella sleeping soundly through the night I'm not going to let this little set back of her having trouble sleeping and needing momma in the middle of the night get me all out of sorts (other than what I can't control because the little lack of sleep does have some effects). I'm just going to enjoy this time in her life when she's little, and vulnerable, and needy, and comforted by some simple whispers, and snuggles, and a little momma magic! ;) This too shall pass (maybe all too quickly). 

- It's a reminder of how blessed we really are (especially with all that friends have been facing lately) that if our biggest struggle right now with Ella is her troubles with sleeping then we have so much to be thankful for. And we are! We have always tried to never take for granted how lucky and blessed we have been with our sweet girl!! And I thank God for that every day/night!

-And a little added bonus of what this conversation might show...most of the reasons I'm up so often throughout the night (thus sleeping in much later than I used to...although even if I got up a couple/few hours earlier he'd still be done with his morning activities) is all due to this little miracle growing inside of me! Our sweet baby #2!! <3

So yeah, by the time I wake up, he will have peed in a cup and walked seven miles (because they have a foot march this morning) but that's okay...because by the time he wakes up, I will have had published one blog post, had two snacks, peed three times, and comforted Ella in her troubled sleep too many times to count...oh yeah, and am continuously working on growing a baby. No big deal! 

I love him, I love what we do, I love our life!! **and just so you know... I can always, always find a much deeper and/or hidden meaning to any measly little conversation, it's what I do!** :P

Hello 5am Randomness!

What is it like to fall asleep when you go to bed at night and not wake up until morning time? I've only experienced that a handful of times over the last 2 (+) years so I don't really remember; but I'm guessing it must be nice...real nice!! 

There were a couple happenings (nothing horrific) last week that left Ella feeling a little out of her comfort zone and were apparently temporarily traumatizing in her little world of happiness---which has resulted in restless nights, crying and calling out for momma in her sleep, and an overall increase in her neediness (day & night). But I can't even blame my lack of sleep on that. My main problems are those that are common amongst expectant mothers (I'd likely guess). Like the need to go to the bathroom more often than a newly potty-trained toddler. And my instant, yet severe, hunger that strikes once or twice in the middle of the night and early hours of the morning, requiring me to dig into the emergency stash I have in my night stand. (Which by the way needs to be restocked, which is why I originally got my phone out...you know, to make my weekly menu and grocery list at 5am). Because if it's anytime after 4:40am that I must tend to either need mentioned above, I might as well forget going back to sleep until at least 6:30-7:30ish. Because apparently 5am-7am is prime-time for my brain to spiral into thoughts of anything involving my past, present, and/or future!

It's usually the craziest hodge-podge of thoughts (typical for any woman, right?) and could go a little something like this: oh I need to restock my emergency stash better add that yo the grocery list. Grocery list...I should probably make the menu so I know what else I need. Menu...I'm thinking I'd like to start planning healthier meals (which we've unfortunately strayed from starting way back when we moved here and during all our travel but especially during my morning sickness). Which then leads to me researching about foods and/or looking through recipes for ideas. But I usually accidentally at one point or another click on the Facebook icon or Pinterest icon on my phone which can send my thought process in a million different directions.

 This morning it was facebook...which had pictures of a friend's new arrival on there, which got me thinking about our upcoming addition to this family, which requires labor and delivery...which causes me to stress!! Like sort of mega stress!! Yet my stress has nothing to do with the actual labor and delivery part and everything to do with the fact that I will have to spend the longest time ever (in her whole lifetime) away from my baby girl...to include an over night (which that thought alone might enough to cause a panic attack)! There's not a single part of me that wants anything to do with that! I want my baby to be able to be there with us! Sure she can be out of the room, playing with family or friends, during the actual delivery bc that might be a little scary for her but otherwise my biggest wish would to be to have her right there with the rest of her family the whole time! I am certainly on the extreme side of attachment parenting and I want no part of this leaving my baby business. And I can promise you that not even in six months will I be ready to leave her for that long!!!! My heart aches at the thought...

You are what you eat?!

One night as we were getting ready for bed, I yelled to Matthew..."Hey babe, you know how they say, 'you are what you eat?'...well, I promise if our baby comes out looking a little Mexican...I didn't cheat!!" ------

When I was pregnant with Ella, I never had any cravings. Never had to send my husband out on a spur of the moment food run. You know, for that food that you MUST. HAVE. RIGHT. NOW. because nothing else will suffice! I never really got it, I thought it was a little crazy. 

Well this baby, (baby #2 is on the way for anyone who might have missed the memo) he/she has been sure to enlighten me on the subject of pregnancy food cravings. This stuff is real, folks! It's some serious business! And you shouldn't question it! You should just do it! 

Like in the first weeks when I could barely eat anything except for queso dip and/or bean dip from our local Mexican restaurant...that I sometimes had to have immediately! Which resulted in our family eating there for lunch or dinner many times for a few weeks. Additionally, we always brought extra home with us and sometimes my husband still had to run out for more. And once I stopped in there after a trip to walmart and ordered 3 servings of it...one was gone before I got home, which is only a 10-15 minute drive. I enhaled it, sharing only a few dipped chips with me sweet girl, because my body neeeeded it!! Oh yeah, and sometimes my awesome neighbor would bring me some home!! One night in particular, she left it on my doorstep around 10pm and after the quiet knock I snuck out in my robe, grabbed it, made it only to Matthew's recliner and inhaled half of it like I hadn't eaten in weeks. This queso dip was serious business in those early weeks. It was like my lifeline! And although my cravings for it are no longer that intense, it is still the one thing I can always count on being able to eat when nothing else seems to sound good or when everything else is making me sick. We don't have to go there on a regular basis anymore or have it stocked in our fridge but I definitely can't turn it down...and Matthew has yet to even slightly try to deny me of it when it's mentioned (because he's really just that awesome whether I'm pregnant or not)!

My other weakness has been tacos made here at home. In those first few days (actually we found out so early this time I think I had a couple weeks) after finding out but before the morning sickness hit...I craved tacos! I think I made them 2-3 nights in a row once or maybe just 2-3 times in one week. I remember sitting down on the couch as I stuffed my face apologizing for making them so often (yet I was only half sorry...if I'm being honest, because me and that newly growing baby were in food heaven). That stopped once the morning sickness hit; partly because of the smell and partly because my body seems to forget (with both pregnancies) how to digest meat in the first trimester so I sport a vegetarian diet/lifestyle for about 10 weeks-ish. But....hello second trimester and hello once again to tacos!! They're on the menu for tonight...but last night baby decided he/she just couldn't wait and I was up at 11pm making myself one! Thankfully I had pre-made the meat and stuck it in the freezer...or I might have had a sleepless night while i laid here just thinking about tacos and contemplating whether or not it was completely insane to brown the hamburger at 11pm...being able to skip that step made it a sane choice to have tacos at 11pm, okay?! And I'll tell you now...when I get up and get going for the day here in an hour or two, I am having a taco for breakfast. Then we will have tacos for dinner tonight. Unless I fill up on the veggie delight sub from subway that I have also been thinking about since last night, then they will have tacos for dinner and I will probably have one for a late night snack again. Hmm...I might want to make some more taco meat and throw it in the freezer just in case. 

Also there was this one time, that I tried to come up with a reasonable plan to get us to Colorado so I could have the loaded nachos from 3 Margaritas. I personally would have drove the 7ish hours there, no questions asked, to get them (and to see some friends and the mountains and because I'm in love with that place) but I couldn't come up with anything that I thought would convince my husband to a. make the drive with me/us or b. let Ella and I travel there ourselves. So, I convinced my pregnant state of mind it was unreasonable. Not to say I still don't dream of those nachos regularly and that I still don't think it'd be totally worth it!! After all, it's only 7-8 hours in the car with a pregnant lady and a two-year old...who's in?! I'm sort of really serious (all except for the fact that it's winter and I don't drive in snow) otherwise I think the next time Matthew went to the field I'd find myself in Colorado! I. WANT. THOSE. NACHOS.

Do you remember me?!

Hi, remember me? My name is Tara and I'm the blogger that took a year long (+) break from blogging because...well life was busy happening and I couldn't seem to find time for blog posts. I was doing good to find time to breathe there for a while. Sometimes I'm not real sure what I was even busy with...although sometimes I had a relatively legit excuse because it's not uncommon for us to, at least, once a month (or many times more often than that) to have visitors and/or be traveling. I surely love it! But that's not to say it doesn't keep me crazy busy sometimes. And then there's all that playing that my baby girl loves to do and, well, that's more fun (and important) than posting a blog post, right?! So yeah...to sum it up, I took a blogging break for a year to enjoy playing with my baby and visit with family and friends (and to barely manage the other parts of life that just (have to) happen)...so you can't really hate on that reasoning too much, can you? 

But for a little while now, (and for a number of reasons) I have been wanting to get back into the habit of blogging regularly. So after a couple of mentions from family, of my long-lost blog...I decided to give it another go! Maybe it'll be multiple times a week, maybe once a week. We'll see. But I surely do hope that I can keep up with it this time!! I might need your help in holding me accountable, though! So if I haven't posted in a while...call me out on it! 

Now, onto a "real" post...ready, set, go!! 

The Stay-at-Home Mom

So in a perfect world I'd have my crap together, my house would be completely tidy, fresh, and clean. There'd be seasonal scented candles forever burning. There'd be time for playdates, long walks, baking, and what have you (without sacrificing other areas of your to-do or reallllly neeeeed to-do list) and on cool days I'd most definitely snuggle up under blankets with my almost-one year old, who would sit perfectly still with me and watch a Disney movie. Aahhh :) but there's no such thing as a perfect world...so being a stay-at-home mom looks a little more like this! (see photo below)

Which is still (believe it or not) perfectly fine with me (on most days)!! Eventually things get done; but most importantly i spend time playing with my baby girl...because that is what my husband and I have decided is important to us (me being at home with our little one--to take care of her and play with her, etc). I leave the laundry dumped on the floor and choose to take her for a walk instead. We chit chat with the neighbors and in turn sit down a wee but late for dinner as we shove things to one side of the table so we can eat at the other. It gets crazy sometimes, and the mess can be a little overwhelming every now and then but I wouldn't trade this stay-at-home mom life for my made-up, perfect idea or for anything else in the world...because...well because, I love my/our life- just the way it is :)

Cuddles

As I lay here, smashed between my two loves, I can't help but feel so blessed and loved and all fuzzy inside. I know everyone has their opinion on co-sleeping/sleeping with baby and I've heard them all...but I did what felt right and what worked best for me/us . People said I'd regret it later- but almost one year into it and I enjoy my choice just as much as I did from the start. As we work verrrry slowly (yet surely--maybe?) on transitioning from sleeping with mommy & daddy to sleeping in her crib I sort of get sad. And by sort of I mean really. I will miss these cuddles! Which is why I'm cheating tonight and keeping her by my side. Better luck tomorrow night?? I guess we'll see!

If a girl starts cutting teeth...

It's sort of like the crappy version of "if you give a moose a muffin." It goes a little something like this: if a baby girl starts cutting teeth then extra saliva will pool up in the inner ear giving her an ear infection, if she has an ear infection she'll need antibiotics, if you give her antibiotics she'll have an allergic reaction, if she has an allergic reaction you'll have to go back to the doctor to get a different prescription and start all over...hopefully it stops here!! I'd say it's been a pretty rough week for my Ella girl!

So, I've had a pretty fussy and needy baby for the last week, to say the least. Which is so unlike my happy little girl but I don't blame her. I'll let me house become a mess and cuddle her all she wants! And on a positive note her ear infection us getting better and her beautiful personality still shines through when the medicine is working...so that's nice. But I don't like knowing she still feels a bit icky (especially now with a rash all over her body) and I don't like having to give her multiple meds around the clock...nor do we enjoy waiting at the doctors office multiple times in one week (well, Ella might because she liked the germ infested toys)! But we're getting better- no more fevers, ear infection is getting better like I mentioned, we have now stopped the medicine that was causing the rash, and the teethers are getting closer to making it all the way out of the gums. We're getting through it! With a checkup and well visit scheduled right before we head out of town on our housing quest!!

three year vacation

sometimes it gets frustrating when my adult husband is not allowed to decide for himself how far he can travel on any given weekend or that although he has leave days there are certain times he just doesn't really have the option to use them. I am sometimes reminded of that frustration when I see families post pictures of their second and third family vacations so far this year...then I stop myself! because really I'm thankful for what I have! I have the unique opportunity to go on an adventurous road trip with my beautiful daughter and one of the greatest best friends a girl could ask for to search for housing; housing for our family's three year (isg) vacation to Kansas. because our six month vacation in al/ga is coming to an end. and before that we were blessed to spend a year "vacationing" in Colorado...and before that...well you get the point! so basically, with a small shift in my thinking...I'm no longer jealous or frustrated with the fact that other families get to go on a week vacation here and there; I kinda feel like I/we have a pretty sweet gig!! :)

Sleepy Saturday

I always have the best intentions of blogging on a regular basis. I really do! But the best blog dialogue comes to me while I'm in the middle of a task (like showering or driving to the grocery store) and can't get to my phone or computer right away. By the time I do have a free moment, if I do, then I've done forgot how I wanted to word that great story I came up with in my head and decide to wait until the next time I have something worth writing/reading because after all there's always laundry or dishes or sewing or a diaper to change or who knows what. But today, I'm making all those things wait! My house is a disaster and it's sort of driving me crazy but I'm not caving in...not yet. For now I've got a sick husband who needs my care and company and a sleepy, needy baby who wants cuddles and naps in mommy's arms. I'm totally focusing on that today! So as I lay cuddled up with my baby for her second nap I decided it would be a perfect time to sneak in a blog post. But otherwise, we're having a do nothing, be lazy, stay in your pjs, sleepy Saturday!!

Patience 101

I think I must have unknowing enrolled myself in a "patience 101" class. It seems as if many, many times a day I find myself in situations that, to sometimes say the least, put my patience to the test! Like for example, on Saturday morning when I waited in traffic for an hour to go maybe a mile...only to find out those cars ahead of me weren't going anywhere anytime soon so I had to end up just giving up on my original destination and make do with a new plan. Or on Monday when I decided to go ahead and make the drive to post to do all my grocery shopping for the week only to get there, get Ella in her new carrier (which we're still trying to figure out so it takes us a few) only to learn the commissary was closed for reset. So , because we needed groceries for Matthew's lunch the next day I headed back past our house in the other direction to get some things at Walmart, of course getting stick behind a car who was going 15 mph under the speed limit. But Ella was upset about something and I had to pull over to console/check on her. Got that taken care of and continued on our way catching every single red light. Made it to the parking lot but ended up behind someone waiting for a close spot and say there for two minutes before they decided to move on. Got Ella back out and ready for the store only to get in there and get behind some elderly lady who was averaging one step a minute (or so it seemed). But I reminded myself to stay calm...there must be some reason for all this to happen; perhaps keeping me from being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Regardless though, by this time Ella had had enough and didn't want to sit in the cart anymore and I had only brought the cart cover in and not the wrap so I ended up carrying her in my arms, pulling the cart here there abd everywhere as I was not thinking quite clearly at this point and would realize three aisle later that I forgot something else I needed. We made it though! And safely, so not too much complaining was needed. Just a quick recap of the day to my husband as I sat beside him for a breather while the little one napped.

But those things were more like "quizzes" and not nearly the end of my patience 101 course. I still have some "tests" that I'm either currently taking or that are coming up. Like waiting to hear about something that was started back in February and hoping we didn't -get had- as i think my husband once put it. Or having to wait until the last possible minute to find out our next duty location when we are likely to be moving in some 40ish days yet don't know the date to give our landlord for a move out date because we could possibly be staying like 70ish more days and don't want to give notice too soon and be stuck with out a place for a month. But if it is only 40ish days we'd like to plan a quick trip to the next location to find housing, or perhaps schedule our move (which you are technically supposed to do at least 30 days ahead of time) in hopes that our move goes smoothly and our household goods make it to us at our next place in a timely manner. Because it's not fun arriving much before your stuff really.

I'm not sure when this course is over but in the meantime I'm just focusing on remaining calm and hoping to pass all these quizzes, tests, and the course- with a smile on my face. Even if at times it isn't a real smile i'll go with the "fake it 'til you make it!"

Now if you'll excuse me- I have some waiting to do :)

Surprise!

Surprise...I'm blogging... randomly...about nothing really. I just can't sleep so I thought, why not? It's been a while since I last blogged and there was quite a bit of time between that post and the one before that. My apologies. Must make this blog pretty boring to follow. I just can't seem to get my "mommy mush" of a brain to cooperate with me. Or maybe it's just a lack of energy- a lack of creative energy I'd call it, as I've been using all that for things like quilts and home made birthday gifts and baking and party planning and who knows what else. Anything my scattered mind thinks up as I lay in bed and try to "shut it down" for the night. Guess there was an error in that process tonight. Ugh.

Maybe I can just nap tomorrow while Ella naps (bahahaha) I suck at naps. I wish I didn't, but I can probably count one my fingers the amount of times I've napped since Ella was born. I mean who really has time to nap, anyways? I have a brand new baby to visit tomorrow and a farewell dinner with some great friends (and Ella's bf) tomorrow evening. I've got a beautiful baby girl to play with and feed, yummy cookies to bake, a baby book to work on, pictures to mail out...I could go on and on and on and on (just ask my husband)!

You'd think just thinking of the one million things I put on my "to-do" list would be enough to wear me out! And maybe it finally did- I feel my eyelids getting heavier! Perhaps I'll try to sleep! And I guess I've probably left you with enough of my mommy mush thoughts for now...so, until next time..!

Change is Good; this Change is Great!!

So I used to have this rule for myself that unless all my housework was complete I couldn't do fun things- like work on crafts or bake, etc. Which was my way of making myself get those things done but my husband thought it was insane...and really it sort of was! Which is why I never got around to crafts and am monthsss behind in gift giving and thank you cards and who knows what's else. But now I'm trying out a weekly cleaning schedule and as long as my daily duties (you know the usual like make the bed, the dishes, and meals) are being done and my daily schedule is complete then I'm free to enjoy crafting, baking, relaxing and the likes-- so far it's been amazing!! I've had time to get a package together and on its way to Scotland (something I've meant to do since even before I had Ella), I've started on a quilt for the little miss, I've been baking, and starting to work on random other projects throughout the house I've wanted to do for some time now. Change is good; this change is great!

Hoping it stays this good/great and that I stay on top of the now and eventually catch up in the rest!

Sit, Ella, Sit

Our big girl sits up now! We usually only need pillows to soften her fall and falls are more often than not because she gets distracted and forgets she's gotta focus on keeping herself up...whoops! She's growing so fast!!

She's not crawling yet (as many of you have asked) but she does roll and flip and scoot herself all over the room! Almost time for some good ol baby proofing of the house! You know-nothing on the floor that cannot be in her mouth, gates, child locks, etc.

Drop Zone

Brooke & Matt stopped in for a day (which turned into two) on their way home from their honeymoon. And I know we're no match to a cruise (because seriously not much can beat a cruise) but we do have Ella, good food (at least we enjoy it), some fun games, and the drop zone!

I took Brooke and Matt there to watch and I think although I've seen it many times before I enjoyed as much as them! I think it's sort of a thrill to watch people jump out of a plane and cheer them on for a good PLF (parachute landing fall) and cringe when they don't quite land so great. I think it's even more fun to tell Ella, "Looky baby girl, daddy did that!!" One day she'll think he's as awesome as I do; or judging by the smile on her face as she looks at him...she already knows!!

Matchy Matchy

Apparently I even like to match at night---I don't do it on purpose, really!!

My Growing Baby Girl

Matthew and I both look at Ella, still to this day, in awe! We feel so incredibly blessed that we are lucky enough to be her parents. She's the most precious being we've ever laid our eyes on and we love her every little bit!

This morning I was particularly loving how her little hands grasped mine as I fed her. I watched those tiny little fingers closely and smiled at their chubbiness- because chubby baby hands are incredibly adorable!! But my on my how quickly they went from teeny tiny baby hands on the 6lb13oz newborn I brought home from the hospital almost six months ago (wowzers how that time has flown) to the chubby hands you see here...

Unforgettable Moments

It's a bittersweet day, as our company just left. It always is when company leaves; but today was just a bit different. And different in a way that words aren't all that useful.

Because let me tell ya- there's no way to truly describe the way it feels to hear your husband's grandmother, your daughter's great grandmother, the little old lady you've come to know and love yourself, saying "...until God decides it's time for us to meet again..." It surely tugs at your heart and opens up those tear ducts; but at the same time makes you smile and feel a little warm fuzzy, and feel very thankful. Thankful that she was a part of our lives, thankful she's had such a wonderfully long 103+ years of (happy and healthy) life, and so very thankful she was able to make the trip to see her new great granddaughter and visit us for a few blessed days. We all wanted/needed it!

And when retelling this story Dan and Paula certainly cannot be left out of the equation. As they are the ones who made it all possible and are most certainly just as equally important to us. I/we have blessed with such a great extended family!!! So very grateful they were able to make the trip and that we were able to host the three of them and make memories that will forever be etched in our minds and hearts.

I loved having extended family here to share in some of Ella's progress and firsts- like getting better at rolling, having her first banana and advacado, and jabbering more and more- and it made my heart smile to watch and hear Ella and her great grandmother with 103 years of experience interact. Her eyes have seen many, many things over so many many years yet she could still just sit and stare at my daughter and marvel over her and to hear her sweet old voice crack as she played peek-a-boo with her was incredibly adorable and Ella loved her and put on her best smiles for a woman who traveled so far to meet her before it was time to say "...until we meet again."

We love you, Great Grandma Strohman!! And thank you to all three of you for coming and sharing with us unforgettable moments/memories! Our time with loved ones is (wether or not I blogged about it) something I/we cherish and hold close to our hearts!!


**posts are in the works for our "unforgettable moments" in Ohio as well...you all just kept me too busy to write while i was there, so stay tuned for those as I'll back date when I'm finished and post**

Colors and Your Mood

I've decided you must choose the color(s) of your outfit based on your mood because more times than not when picking out my outfit and family outfits (yes, quite often I choose not only Ella's but Matthews as well) I unpurposely choose the same colors. Today green must be the color. We match. And like I said, not on purpose.

p.s. she loves her momma!

Intongueresting

(otherwise known as interesting). Ella is currently quite interested in her tongue and its cool ability to move about upon her command :P

A Nap with Daddy

What's cuter than a sleeping baby? A sleeping baby all snuggled up in a sleeping daddy's lap! :)

Too Cool for School

Ella sporting one of her new sun hats. Momma's trying to make sure she's prepared for the Georgia summer (and Aunt Brookie & 'soon to be officially uncle' Matt's beach wedding)! She was most definitely too cool for school!

Baby Playdates

Went to a friends house this past weekend for a cookout and they have a little boy who is just two weeks older than Ella...we laid them beside each other, you know, so they could play. I can at least say they were curious about we're curious about the moving "object" that lay beside them :) And it was certainly cute nonetheless!!

Beauties and the Beast

Ella and I are in Ohio for some of Brooke's pre-wedding festivities. Enjoying some downtime this morning hanging out with cousin Jessa and Pap. We're playing dress up of course. Us girls are all "Beauty" and pap is "the beast" but he's a nice beast of course!! If you were to visit us right now you'd have to be sure to refer to us girls as beauty or you'd get a talking to by the little girl behind it all. Ella and Jessa are in their yellow outfits and I in my blue wings (which are poking me in the neck as I type) but it's all in good fun and totally worth the memories to one day share with these two precious girls!

Cereal Time

Baby girl is getting soo big! During cereal time she grabbed the spoon and said, "thanks momma, I'll take it from here" or at least that's what I imagined she would have said if she could talk.

Happy Four Months

Ella is four months old today! And my oh my how the time flies...just like we all knew it would. It's still so hard to believe that I already carried her in the womb for nine months and have held her in my arms every day for four months now. It's like it was just yesterday when she was only a thought, or perhaps just yesterday we were still curious as to whether or not we'd be having a baby girl or baby boy...yet it's as if we've had her forever. Like she's always been a part of us...whether we knew it or not.

Sometimes I think back and reminisce about life before her; when it was just Matthew and I. It was grand! We enjoyed our time with each other so much! However, life with her is even more grand. An addition unlike any other...to make what was already sweet just that much sweeter. We love her and are falling into this new life with open arms- smiles on our faces and so very much love in our hearts!!

And although sometimes such a drastic change can take some getting used to and some reworking of expectations and whatnot (like what I expect of myself in a days time) I'd say we're doing well! In time I will learn the perfect balance between all that is demanded of me (like maybe when I'm not trying to relocate and set up a new house- soon we'll be completely settled here and I'll make sure to enjoy that time before its time to move again).

These four months have been a whirl wind. Much like life in general, but if I were to ever say I didn't love my life just how it was I'd be lying. I like to think I'm a pretty lucky gal. I love my life and all those in it!

Happy four months, Ella Grace!! Thank you for making me a momma!!

(insert happy tears here)

Alabama Style

A typical march evening here in Alabama is likely to include cookouts, corn hole, and may or may not include the following sort of fun (see picture) because a fire is necessary to help fight off the bugs round these parts!

Really makes us miss the mostly bug free place we just left. Oh Colorado how we loved you!! But fear not Alabama- we plan to make the most out of our time here and will probably look back at you with fond memories and miss something you had to offer as well (perhaps you warmth)?!

Ella is on a Roll

Matthew was laying on the floor playing with Ella as I cooked dinner last night and at one point looked up with a silly grin and calmly said, "Ella just rolled over." He said it so calmly in fact and even somewhat mischievously, if you will, that I didn't even believe him!

Just a day or two earlier I was telling how it wouldn't be long and she'd be rolling over so I thought he was trying to play a trick on me. "No, she didn't " I responded. "Yes, Tara, she realllly did!" he said.

So he out her back on her belly and told me to watch. And so I did...and what would you know? A few moments later she rolled over again. My baby girl is growing up so quickly. If I ever get around to making her a baby book I'll have to remember to jot this one down: March 18- Ella rolled from tummy to back and is almost rolling back to tummy.

Ella has also recently become more interactive with her toys. Especially those with mirrors. She coos and "talks" constantly. She now loves chewing on her fingers (we definitely think she's starting to teeth) which results in wet bibs, shirts, etc.

And in other Ella news- we're thinking it's time to try some cereal in the next day or two. We'll let you know how that goes :)

Summer is Approaching us!!

Excited about "summer" coming a little early this year! Ready to show Ella what warm weather is all about! Going to be loving me some summer baby cuteness real soon! :)

Our First Georgia Visitors

We arrived in Georgia Wednesday evening and checked into our hotel, Thursday we spent the day house hunting (and turns out we successfully found one that day), then Friday we had our first visitors! Timing just happened to work out perfectly as our dear family friends were coming through the area as they headed home from a Florida vacation. We were able to enjoy dinner that evening and some time back at the hotel just hanging out and then brunch on Saturday before they headed out. It was great to see familiar faces so quickly after arriving here! And of course for them to get to meet Ella! :) Thank you Kathie and Varl for such a great first visit!!

One Baby, Two States, Three Months

It's about as simple as that:

one baby- our little Ella
two states- has now lived in two different states (colorado & alabama)
three months- in the three months of her new little life

And we're back....finally!

So it's been almost four months since the last post but I think we're finally ready to get back into the swing of things...maybe do a little recapping and then get to what's happening now :)

Recap list:
THE ARRIVAL OF SWEET ELLA GRACE
THANKSGIVING--WITH SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR!!
BATTLING JAUNDICE
SURPRISE VISIT FROM MY MOMMA
ELLA'S FIRST CHRISTMAS
STROHMAN FAMILY CHRISTMAS IN COLORADO
ELLA'S FIRST FLIGHT--OUR TRIP TO OHIO TO MEET EVERONE
PREPPING FOR OUR MOVE
HEADING TO OHIO--TIME WITH FAMILY BEFORE GEORGIA
ONE BABY, TWO STATES, THREE MONTHS
Ready, Set, Blog....

Just sayin'! :)

101 Dalmations

Patton & I enjoyed a little Disney on our snow delay morning. Both cats were quite intrigued by all the barking but Patton sat as you see him for a good 15-20 minutes at least actually watching the movie. It was a dalm good morning if I do say so myself :)

Big Belly Bump

Baby sure is growing and my belly bump proves it! I feel great during the day but trying to get comfy at night reminds me that there is a growing baby in there, afterall.

Happy Halloween!

After a mandatory Halloween event for Matthew's battalion we decided on a pretty low key evening but we did make an appearance in our costumes at a couple different friends' halloween parties. Matthew was my cutie construction worker and I was his "bump" sign. :)

Snow Day!!

It's a snow day!!