There were a couple happenings (nothing horrific) last week that left Ella feeling a little out of her comfort zone and were apparently temporarily traumatizing in her little world of happiness---which has resulted in restless nights, crying and calling out for momma in her sleep, and an overall increase in her neediness (day & night). But I can't even blame my lack of sleep on that. My main problems are those that are common amongst expectant mothers (I'd likely guess). Like the need to go to the bathroom more often than a newly potty-trained toddler. And my instant, yet severe, hunger that strikes once or twice in the middle of the night and early hours of the morning, requiring me to dig into the emergency stash I have in my night stand. (Which by the way needs to be restocked, which is why I originally got my phone out...you know, to make my weekly menu and grocery list at 5am). Because if it's anytime after 4:40am that I must tend to either need mentioned above, I might as well forget going back to sleep until at least 6:30-7:30ish. Because apparently 5am-7am is prime-time for my brain to spiral into thoughts of anything involving my past, present, and/or future!
It's usually the craziest hodge-podge of thoughts (typical for any woman, right?) and could go a little something like this: oh I need to restock my emergency stash better add that yo the grocery list. Grocery list...I should probably make the menu so I know what else I need. Menu...I'm thinking I'd like to start planning healthier meals (which we've unfortunately strayed from starting way back when we moved here and during all our travel but especially during my morning sickness). Which then leads to me researching about foods and/or looking through recipes for ideas. But I usually accidentally at one point or another click on the Facebook icon or Pinterest icon on my phone which can send my thought process in a million different directions.
This morning it was facebook...which had pictures of a friend's new arrival on there, which got me thinking about our upcoming addition to this family, which requires labor and delivery...which causes me to stress!! Like sort of mega stress!! Yet my stress has nothing to do with the actual labor and delivery part and everything to do with the fact that I will have to spend the longest time ever (in her whole lifetime) away from my baby girl...to include an over night (which that thought alone might enough to cause a panic attack)! There's not a single part of me that wants anything to do with that! I want my baby to be able to be there with us! Sure she can be out of the room, playing with family or friends, during the actual delivery bc that might be a little scary for her but otherwise my biggest wish would to be to have her right there with the rest of her family the whole time! I am certainly on the extreme side of attachment parenting and I want no part of this leaving my baby business. And I can promise you that not even in six months will I be ready to leave her for that long!!!! My heart aches at the thought...
1 comment:
You had better get use to it sometime, because you promised me you would leave your kids with me for a week at a time so you could go on a cruise. I have witnesses!
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